No person is an island.
In the 1940’s, a psychologist named Abraham Maslow came up with what is now considered a landmark explanation of basic human needs. In a nutshell, he said that the most basic of human needs are those of safety and physiological well-being. Once these needs are satisfied, the next tier in the human need category is social: rather than feeling isolated and lonely, people NEED human contact, to give and receive love, to feel a connection with others, and to feel a sense of belonging. If these needs are not met, people can’t succeed at optimizing their lives and living to their full potential. Humans need and crave fulfilling and satisfying relationships with others.
How we interact with others affects our daily lives, from our extended and immediate families, to our workplace, to our partners and spouses. Each day we encounter hundreds of social interactions: interactions that range from talking with the mail carrier to helping our child get ready for school. Our network of interpersonal relationships extends outward to acquaintances, co-workers, friends, family relationships, love relationships, and partnering relationships. Above all, we seek to find the warmth and enveloping feeling of belonging and self-worth that comes with loving and being loved in return.
When the resolution of this basic need is lacking, what is left is a large hole in our lives that needs filling. On one end of the spectrum is social phobia, a disorder that is described as the fear of social interactions – an extreme form of what we know as ‘shyness.’ On the other end of the spectrum is mild social dysfunction or dissatisfaction of relationships.
It makes sense, and it’s no wonder then that people seek relationship advice to improve their interpersonal relationships, whether by seeking professional relationship help with relationship counseling or finding ways to self-help their relationship problems. Many options are available: relationship and marital counseling and family relationship counseling are some options for these kinds of relationship problems. With the advent of the Internet, many ways of providing self-help relationship advice have emerged. Relationship tests and relationship quizzes are readily available to help pinpoint some of the relationship problems that occur on the lower end of the spectrum. The Internet provides ways of networking with others through the use of Forums and Bulletin Boards where people help each other with relationship advice. Websites providing relationship help for all types of relationship problems are available for downloading. Articles and commentary on love relationships, family relationships, and the vast variety of interpersonal relationships abound and are readily available.
Nothing comes easy, and healthy relationships take work. But the resources are available, and there is hope for everyone to lead more fulfilling lives.
See FamilyIQ course, "Languages of Love," and FamilyIQ test, "Relationship Compatibility: Can We Make it Work?"
Shari Landes worked as a senior researcher in experimental psychology at Princeton University for 15 years, primarily studying learning, cognition, and linguistics. She has an extensive web presence, beginning with the development of one of the first websites that provided resources on ADHD and related disorders. She has published numerous research articles and book chapters (MIT Press).
